Introvert problems

Wikipedia defines small talk as conversation for the sake of conversation and calls it a key social skill. Another definition says small talk is ‘polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters, especially as engaged in on social occasions.’ I don’t particularly enjoy small talk, possibly because I’m not very good at it. My go-to topic is the weather, which I suppose is pretty lame.

I like to talk about things that matter to people, things they have real feelings about. Of course such topics tend to be controversial and dig beneath people’s social masks, which I suppose is why people like small talk so much. It lets you maintain the face you choose to show the world.

And I suppose it’s only polite to respect that, to let people show you what they want you to see. A friend told me that once. He said, ‘If people want you to see them a certain way, pretend not to notice when a different side of them slips out. That’s how you keep friends.’ It’s also how you get ahead.

I was reading a cracked article about harsh truths that can make you a better person. It talks about being the kind of person people like, being useful and meeting their needs. Popular people are like that. They’re good at knowing what different people need and providing it. Such people are intelligent, versatile, and just a little scary – at least to me. Maybe because they’re brilliant mind readers.

keep-calm-and-date-a-psychologist-8

I’ve always been suspicious (and resentful) of people that can please everybody. It seemed to me that they were hiding their true personality beneath a million different masks. But lately I think maybe that is their personality, that maybe they’re simply the kind of person that can be in sync with everyone. It’s a pretty handy talent, and the ones that are good at it make it look effortless.

I’m not very good at that kind of thing. I’m even worse at small talk. For me, conversation for its own sake is empty fluff. I like talks that tell me more about a person, event or thing. Conversation – for me – communicates. It doesn’t fill up social space. But then again, I’m not a very social person.

I enjoy being around people I can talk to about life, love, politics, religion, sex, and not just passing words, but exchanging them in meaningful ways. I like a conversation to feel like I’m actually connecting with a person rather than idly flipping cable channels.

I suppose it’s because I spend so much time inside my head that when I get out of it, I’m eager to dive into someone else’s. Small talk is designed specifically to prevent that, to keep things comfy and superficial, to surf the safe outer levels of social interactions, which is where most people prefer to hang out.

language-of-ideas-dreams

I guess that’s why I appreciate the people in my life that let me into their deep internal spaces, the ones that feel safe enough in my presence to let me read their minds and hearts.  But it’s even more amazing when you meet a new person that can talk – really talk – without it seeming like a big deal. You might mistake them for a soul mate, even when they’re really not. That kind of person can be fun. Dangerous, but also lots of fun.

♫ Here’s to us ♫ Tori Vega ♫

99 thoughts on “For all those allergic to small talk…”

  1. Thanks for your post. I also feel that laptop computers have gotten more and more popular nowadays, and now are often the only sort of computer found in a household. This is due to the fact that at the same time they are becoming more and more very affordable, their working power keeps growing to the point where they are as potent as pc’s coming from just a few in years past.

  3. I will right away take hold of your rss as I can’t to find your email subscription hyperlink or e-newsletter service. Do you have any? Please let me recognise so that I may subscribe. Thanks.

  4. The subsequent time I learn a weblog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I imply, I know it was my choice to learn, but I truly thought youd have something attention-grabbing to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you may repair if you happen to werent too busy on the lookout for attention.

  5. I beloved up to you’ll receive carried out proper here. The cartoon is attractive, your authored material stylish. nonetheless, you command get bought an impatience over that you wish be handing over the following. ill indisputably come more before once more since exactly the similar nearly a lot frequently within case you defend this hike.

  8. Hello there, just became alert to your blog through Google, and found that it’s truly informative. I’m gonna watch out for brussels. I will be grateful if you continue this in future. Numerous people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

  10. Thank you so much for giving everyone a very splendid chance to read from this blog. It is often very fantastic and also packed with amusement for me personally and my office fellow workers to visit your web site at minimum 3 times a week to find out the fresh guides you will have. And indeed, I’m just at all times contented considering the exceptional ideas you give. Selected 2 areas on this page are in reality the simplest we have ever had.

  11. Thanks a lot for giving everyone an extraordinarily nice possiblity to discover important secrets from this site. It’s usually so pleasant plus packed with a good time for me personally and my office acquaintances to visit your web site minimum 3 times every week to see the new things you have. And indeed, I am also at all times fulfilled concerning the effective strategies served by you. Selected 3 ideas in this posting are basically the most effective we have ever had.

  15. Generally I do not read post on blogs, however I wish to say that this write-up very pressured me to try and do it! Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thanks, quite nice article.

  16. Good day! This post could not be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this write-up to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!

  17. Just desire to say your article is as surprising. The clearness in your post is simply excellent and i can assume you are an expert on this subject. Well with your permission let me to grab your RSS feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please carry on the enjoyable work.

  20. What i don’t realize is actually how you are not actually much more well-liked than you might be now. You are very intelligent. You realize thus significantly relating to this subject, made me personally consider it from numerous varied angles. Its like women and men aren’t fascinated unless it is one thing to do with Lady gaga! Your own stuffs outstanding. Always maintain it up!

  23. Thanks for your posting. I also think laptop computers are becoming more and more popular lately, and now are usually the only type of computer employed in a household. Simply because at the same time they are becoming more and more cost-effective, their processing power keeps growing to the point where they are as powerful as desktop computers from just a few in years past.

  24. Excellent read, I just passed this onto a friend who was doing a little research on that. And he just bought me lunch because I found it for him smile Therefore let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch! “Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.” by Aristotle.

  25. Magnificent beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your site, how can i subscribe for a blog website? The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear idea

  27. Wow, fantastic weblog format! How long have you ever been blogging for? you make running a blog glance easy. The whole glance of your site is magnificent, let alone the content!

  29. I simply couldn’t depart your web site prior to suggesting that I actually loved the standard info an individual supply to your guests? Is going to be again incessantly in order to check out new posts.

  32. Magnificent goods from you, man. I have be mindful your stuff prior to and you’re simply extremely great. I really like what you’ve obtained here, certainly like what you are stating and the way through which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still take care of to keep it sensible. I can’t wait to learn far more from you. This is actually a great site.

  34. you are really a good webmaster. The web site loading speed is incredible. It seems that you’re doing any unique trick. Also, The contents are masterpiece. you have done a magnificent job on this topic!

  35. Magnificent beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your site, how could i subscribe for a blog web site? The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear idea

  36. I have read several good stuff here. Certainly worth bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how much effort you put to make such a great informative site.

  41. Howdy very nice site!! Guy .. Excellent .. Amazing .. I’ll bookmark your site and take the feeds additionally…I’m satisfied to search out so many useful information here in the publish, we need develop more strategies in this regard, thank you for sharing.

  42. Hello! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I genuinely enjoy reading your posts. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that deal with the same topics? Thanks for your time!

  43. you’re really a good webmaster. The website loading speed is incredible. It seems that you’re doing any unique trick. In addition, The contents are masterpiece. you’ve done a excellent job on this topic!

  44. You made some clear points there. I did a search on the subject and found most people will approve with your website.

  45. whoah this blog is magnificent i like reading your articles. Stay up the good paintings! You realize, a lot of individuals are hunting round for this info, you can help them greatly.

  46. Very interesting information!Perfect just what I was searching for! “I have great faith in fools — self confidence my friends call it.” by Edgar Allan Poe.

  48. you are truly a excellent webmaster. The site loading pace is amazing. It sort of feels that you’re doing any distinctive trick. Furthermore, The contents are masterpiece. you’ve performed a great job on this topic!

  49. I’ve been exploring for a little for any high quality articles or blog posts in this sort of house . Exploring in Yahoo I eventually stumbled upon this website. Reading this info So i am glad to convey that I have an incredibly good uncanny feeling I discovered just what I needed. I most undoubtedly will make certain to do not put out of your mind this website and give it a look regularly.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.